I waited."We've never had a chance to talk properly."I waited. She became flustered."Allan, please?" she begged."Now is not the time for a long talk, Ann," I said in a flat tone. "This meeting is to clear the air and to allow you to explain your behaviour to me over the past week," Allan, please don't be awkward–" Ann, just explain yourself."At this tears started at her eyes."Allan, I'm sorry." You're forgiven. You should know that, but please explain because I don't understand." There are two things. I've been rehearsing them all the way here, and I can't remember any of it." Ann, just talk." OK." There was a long pause, then, "Well, It was when we were all together again at the house. You were playing in the garden with the children. It had happened so often before ... well you know ... but before we were one loving happy family and this time you were no longer my husband and I had let you down so badly."So now everything looked the same but we were missing, or rather I was. Then. Just how bad am I willing to let it get before I say fuck it? What will living as a cripple cost my family vs living without me? Will my wife love me?I started drawing criteria. One is the ability to read. Reading makes life bearable. Aphasia hadn’t touched my ability to read even though it can so that was a positive. I even considered other modes of reading like learning braille. I didn’t know if Aphasia could interfere with that but I’ll do anything to read. At that time, I needed a lot of minimal help so if my wife had left me right then I would have been screwed. So I made homeless a criteria -I.e. no caretaker then I had two larger problems - Pain and Hyper-Aggression.Prior to the Night of Hell, I had headaches once or twice a year. Now, I continually suffer from some sort of migraine discomfort. By continually I literally mean 24/7/365. I have had approx 9 symptom free days since Aug .16,2017. Intensity level ranges from a teeny tiny amount of pressure to having the Texas.
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